Little Black Dress Books

Meet Bernie and Josh – Little Black Dress's very own agony uncles. They’re here to be consulted on all your romantic dilemmas and to offer advice on your troubles from a boy’s point of view. See below for our latest batch of problems…

Josh and Bernie, My boyfriend is currently half way through air force training, in a place far away from where we live. He worries that with all of the freedom that I have that I could cheat on him, although I have assured him multiple times it would never happen. He's now decided that he wants to have a polygraph test done when he returns just to clear the slate, and has assured me, after I pass he wants to get engaged. When it was first suggested I was over the moon (thinking more about the engaged bit rather than the test bit) but after speaking to a couple of people (one being my boyfriend’s mother- a psychologist) everyone seems to think that we need couples counselling, and that the problem is a lot deeper than him having some unwanted thoughts. Now I’ve found out that the test is going to cost around £420 I’m really getting unsure. Do you think it would be wiser to go to counselling, get the test, or just convince him to get over it?

Thanks, Caiti-Rose

This is a tricky one, but we certainly agree with your friends that your boyfriend is not being reasonable. We think that he needs to realise that his jealousy is something that comes from him - the onus shouldn’t really be on you. Jealousy has no natural limits - if he gives in to it, nothing will satisfy him. (A polygraph test every month would probably bankrupt you...) For you to suggest that counselling is necessary, however, might be too accusatory. This is certainly something that can be solved between the two of you, particularly if part of the trouble is that you have not been able to spend enough time together recently. You need to talk with him about where his jealousy has come from. What sort of past experiences has he had to make him so suspicious? He needs to realise how difficult it would be for you to marry someone who is so untrusting. Also, we have to say, we're not sure about his approach in popping the question. Offering an engagement as a 'prize' for your passing a polygraph test sounds a bit presumptuous!

It is good that his mother can see that he is not being reasonable about this. And maybe she could help you talk with him, if you have found that talking it through with him does not help. But we think that taking a polygraph test would only create a whole new set of problems and that counselling should be very much a last resort.

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Josh and Bernie are more than happy to consult on your problems. If you’d like their advice please email littleblackdress@headline.co.uk but we regret that they won’t be able to answer all problems personally. If your dilemma appears on site we’ll contact you so that you can receive a Little Black Dress book of your choice.